They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
