dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
