well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
