can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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