i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
