Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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