im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
