He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
