come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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