I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
