WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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