HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
