It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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