im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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