i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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