My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
