Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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