i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
