Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
