he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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