i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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