I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
