I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
