Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
