It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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