so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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