There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
