That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
