The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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