The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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