I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
