i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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