If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This toilet bowl is my home.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
