Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
