boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i now understand why vodka
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
