she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
