i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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