dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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