His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
