first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
