Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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