i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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