My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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