the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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