i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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