you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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