Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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