Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
