I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
