508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
