It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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