I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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