Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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