her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
